So I had people guess what my surgery was.
I didn’t say it before hand because quite frankly, I didn’t want to deal with people’s negative Bullshit.


There’s my surgery.

I will answer questions if you like but it was only yesteryear so have patience :)

Children; Life’s Little Awkward Moment Makers

So the other day we’re sitting at Nanna’s dining table with Lola and Dex was tiptoeing along the edges of tiles nearby.
Talking about their genitalia – as children are often inclined to.

Lola informs Nanna “I’ve got a vagina. and Dexter has a penis!”
To which Dexter adds “Yep! I do!” And wiggles in our general direction to emphasize the point.

Lola then sits and thinks for a second before telling Nanna “And Daddy has a BIIIIIIIIG penis!”
Because obviously everyone’s bits need to be discussed at the dining table.

Not to be outdone though because the next day:

In the parent’s room at the local shopping centre and we’re in the toilet 0 the one that has the small toilet and the big toilet.
Lola was on the little toilet and Dex was on the big toilet.
Dex had finished so I decided to do a wee also.

Once Lola had finished, we washed our hands and we’re walking out and Dex loudly says “Lola’s got a little vagina. Mummy has a BIG vagina. Little vagina’s don’t have hair on them.”


Geez, thanks guys.

P.S. These are things we discuss at home. We always talk about how it’s not appropriate for anyone to touch your vagina or penis. About how it is yours and yours alone and to tell either Mummy or Daddy if anyone touches you and makes you feel yucky.
We don’t shame any particular body part and all parts are talked about openly.

Sex Is Better Than Sleep

Everywhere I turn – parents are saying they would rather sleep than have sex.
I would link the Mamamia article right now but I’m on my phone.


There is nothing sleep gives me that sex doesn’t.
Other than, you know, sleep.
But the sex makes the sleep so much better and I actually feel rested the next morning regardless of the little amount of sleep I’ve had the night before.

It brings closeness and intimacy where in a relationship that is so often spent going to and from work and home and school and cooking and cleaning and everything gets buried under the every day.
Sex is when you can be yourself with your other half.
When nothing else matters.

When I’m feeling like all I am is a mum, frazzled and run down and quite over it, sex makes it all better.

Let’s be honest – you’re a parent.
You’re going to be tired in the morning. There’s no doubt about it.
Why not take an extra 45 minutes and enjoy each other?
Take your mind off everything.
Works for me.

(Or you know, maybe give it a go in the morning because children get up so fucking early, you can put ABC2 on, give them breakfast and an apple and go to town. Probably make sure you shut the door properly though otherwise you might end up with the awkward situation of meeting the gaze of a 2 year old when you turn your head)
Not that I would know.

What Your Friendly Sales Assistant is Thinking – A Rant

I work in a store that has underwear, activewear and sleepwear.
For the most part, I really enjoy my job. The girls I work with are cool, they pay me good money and it gets me out of the house.
You know what would make me enjoy it more though?

Apparently, that is not what I’m meant to do.
No, here’s a list of the things I do:

1. Tidy and completely refold and reorganise the sleepwear table so you (the customer) can have easy access to the styles you want. In theory this should only need to be done in the afternoon, because I figured most people are capable of refolding a pair of shorts or  a singlet in half after looking at it. APPARENTLY NOT. Apparently, the thing to do is to actually throw said items down in a heap on the table. Sometimes while I’m standing on the other side still tidying the table.

2. Restack the underwear and size order them. No, that doesn’t happen by magical fairies floating in and making sure they all sit neatly on top of each other in size order. THAT’S ME!
Same goes, don’t fucking throw them, or fold them all in half so you can see which size they are and leave them. It’s not that hard!

3. I hang stuff. And it is all hung the same way on the hangers with the hangers facing the same way. The easiest way in which to get them on and off the rack. So why the FUCK do people insist on pulling something off the rack – so easily - and putting it back the wrong way, which is a fucking bitch to do, usually ends up with more items on the floor than the hanger because of the awkward angle you need to put it at. STOP AND LOOK. THINK. ACT. Simple.

4. I pick up random piles of tried on items that people think it is okay to just leave on various tables all around the place. Because, you know, walking those two extra steps to the counter or a sales assistant to hand them over and say “Sorry, they just don’t suit me” or something along those lines is too fucking much. Lets just play hide and seek with shit instead.

5. This one is my favourite. I serve you. I scan things, chat about how your day is, take your money. Just some common courtesy here. If I say hello and ask how your day is – YOU ANSWER. You don’t continually text on your phone and just say “yep”. IT IS RUDE. If your text was that important write it before you come to the counter.
On the same note of money, don’t throw it over the counter at me. I will not go searching for it if it doesn’t land on the counter. I will tell you that I need more money. Just because I’m working there doesn’t mean you can treat me rudely.

I DO love my job. I love helping people. To every lovely, kind chatty, person, thank you. To the pregnant mother who was buying pjs and I asked if she was preparing her maternity bag and she ended up telling me about her beautiful baby boy who was stillborn last September, thank you. I love what I do because I see the good I’m doing. And some people might not think it’s much good and that’s okay.
But please, don’t be rude.


It is easy to forget all the good amongst the mundane shit of every day life.
Paying bills, doing groceries, hanging the washing, cleaning up dog shit so the other half can mow the lawn… Sometimes this can all bog you down and you sort of forget.

2013 has been a fucking amazing year, when I look at it.
When I look at the important things.

We took a leap. A gigantic, leap of hope and faith (with a bit of research to back it).
And whilst it isn’t amazing and there have been moments that we have seriously considered closing, it is paying it’s own bills at least.
Most amazing of this whole adventure has been the friends we’ve made.
I never thought that a small trading card business would bring into my life people who care about my family and I so much.
People who’s words of support and encouragement have kept us going.
Friends who love my kids.
Friends who I can be myself around.

2013 has been amazing for a friend as well, she’s just had her 3rd child, their business is going fantastic and I’m so happy for her. I’ve known her over 4 years now and I’m so grateful to call her a friend still (plus she lets me sniff her newborn which is always a bonus).

2013 has been an spectacular year for my sister who lost approx 30kg and followed her dreams and is now living in Canada, doing what she wanted to do for so long and finally living her happy life. I miss her to the moon and back but I wouldn’t have her anywhere else – I am so glad she is finally doing things for herself and loving herself enough to follow her heart.

2013 has been a fantastic year for TD and I – there have been many disagreements, but more importantly, we’ve worked our way through them. We’ve talked and recognised and tried to fix. Now if we could just have some actual time together wouldn’t that be fucking incredible.
Our children are another year older. Life is another year lived.
I’ve met people IRL I had only known online and they were just as wonderful (if not more so)

Thanks 2013 – you’ve been pretty swell.

Is This The Life You Want?




I found this picture of a wardrobe in an article that was meant to inspire envy.
Look at that beautiful wrought iron bed that obviously never gets slept in.
Look at the chest of drawers that doesn’t match the colour of the wood panelling in the wardrobe because we are so avant garde.
Look at the shoes that could never be accused of being too well worn.
Look at those clothes that don’t inspire any feeling of love or life or happiness.
Look at a room so devoid of feeling it’s depressing.

Is this really what people want?
What they aim for?

Oh sure, it’s pretty. If you’re okay with pretty meaning your clothes match your paint and you could literally blend into your house.
I feel like if I lived in this house, my house wouldn’t be an extension of me, I’d be an extension of it.
Another decorative piece to be arranged just so.

Am I the only one that feels this way?
Please correct me if you do!

I just look at that wardrobe and wonder if they’ve ever enjoyed getting dirt under their nails building a veggie garden.
Whether they’ve gone for a swim in their clothes because why the hell not?
If they’ve ever gone trekking through Thailand.
If they would go to Church because they believed it not because they ought.

If they ever really lived or just looked like they were…


It’s My Birthday! (on Wednesday)




So because it’s my birthday I know you’re all stressing about what to buy because you’re in a fuss over Christmas and you kind of forgot.
It’s okay, I forgive you!
But I really don’t want to end up with another last minute soap set that are the cheapie Christmas present you get those second cousins you only see every three years.

Never fear, I have made a list for you so you know just what, from where!

1. Plush Tyrantrum

So those of you who know me IRL know that I play a lot of Pokémon X and my favourite is my Tyrantrum. To the point that it sometimes says “Tyrantrum and Jess are so in sync they are breathing in perfect harmony!” I sort of expect the next one to be “Tyrantrum is watching jess while she showers!” but nevertheless I love the big dino so one of these would be amazing.



2. Leather Cuff – Alice Style.

This is amazing. Lately a lot of things in my life have seemed impossible to obtain and because of that life has been a bit shit lately. Everything has just piled up. I need to remember that impossible happens all the time. Plus it’s super cute and stylish.



Steam Credit

This is obvious really. You use it to buy games on the internets. You can get it from EB games. Looks like this:


4. Tattoo Voucher

I have a tattoo on my leg that has been an outline for over 7 years. And no, I’m not kidding. 7 years. It’s one of those things I always mean to get around to but something always gets in the way and I never seem to have money for. So you can get it for me!

5. Cleaner

‘Nuf said, really.

6. A Child Free Night Some Time

This would be amazing. Don’t get me wrong – I love ‘em. They just never fucking stop. And I mean never. I think they could take on the Energiser Bunny. If you threw in a voucher for Latitude 30 I think I would love you forever.



7. Boobs.

You had to know it was going to be on the list right?

There are many other things I would like for my birthday. You could pay off my debt, that would be fantastic. You could by me an X-trail or a Navara, but that just feels like I’m getting greedy…

What was top of your list for your birthday?

Green Update









A while ago now I shared with you that I had planted a vegetable garden.

And then I had to replant it after the children were so “helpful”
This is where we are at now.

I’m not going to lie, I never expected it to be so glorious!

Zucchinis and tomatoes, flowers, capsicums, and rockmelon and watermelon that is growing crazily through everything!

The kids love going out each day and seeing what has flowered, what has grown a little bigger, if anything is ready to pick yet.

Am I Old?


I often find myself wondering if I’m old.
Wondering if others at not quite 26 find themselves looking at wrinkles on their forehead.
If others at not quite 26 have knees that get sore when it’s cold.
If others at not quite 26 worry too much about jobs and debts and cleaning and all that other monotonous shit that makes itself seem so fucking important.

It was on one of these days when I was glancing in my rear view mirror at Dex, caught sight of my wrinkles as I squinted and frowned – they look so deep!
Dex suddenly said to me “Mummy, I’m four – am I old?”

To which I replied “of course not! You’re very young – you’re only four and some people live to be one hundred and four even! “

But what does that mean Mummy?

“It means that to someone who is one hundred and four, Mummy even seems very young and that means we have a lot of years left and a lot of living to do.”

And it was that simple.
I’m not old.
I have a lot of living left to do.
I think sometimes we need to treat ourselves to the gentleness with which we treat our children.
We would never close them off to a possibility such as living to the longest and fullest as possible – why limit ourselves?

I have a lot more living to do.

And some wrinkle cream to buy.

Supporting a Passion and Passionate About It


“WHO would have thought a global force like the internet would turn out to make it easier to start a community gourmet food hub in the Orara Valley.

Building on the success of their Harbourside and Nana Glen produce stalls, permaculture farmers Joshua and Tomoko Allen have put out an appeal on the internet for investors in their proposed food based community enterprise.

Known as crowdfunding, investors pledge their support for projects and only pay if funding targets are met. Unlike many other crowdfunding offers, Joshua and Tomoko have developed rewards for investments of as little as $12 and many fresh fruit and vegetable rewards meet or exceed the value of the original pledge.

Josh and Tomoko say: “If you help us reach the target of raising $30,000 by October 24, you will be able to access a farmgate gourmet food stall with locally produced fruit, vegetables, cheeses, dry goods and nature’s super foods.

Visit to learn more, make a pledge and select your reward today.”


That is the official press release – which in itself is pretty impressive.
Here is my one:

I have not met Tomoko, so far I have only had the pleasure of meeting Josh.
His passion for food is amazing. His customer service is amazing and their produce is amazing.

My children are both so excited to go to Synchronicity Farm stall every Sunday at the Harbourside Markets. They are always excited to talk to the man who lets them try the fruit. Josh always takes the time to talk to the kids, tell them what something is. He never tires of their questions of what and why and where.
I can tell, as I watch him interact with my children that he not only loves food, he loves sharing his knowledge of food. He enjoys showing people new things and teaching them something.


He makes food something that is accessible to everyone. Fruit and vegetables at his stall aren’t just that. It is literally like you could eat a rainbow. His passion and flair come through the way he talks as he bounces around the stall, telling you that “You MUST try this Yakon!” (and he was right! It is an amazing vegetable, grows in the ground, slightly sweet, looks like a potato has the texture of a pear sort of)


I have asked them how I can help them achieve their goals.
Helping them, helps me as well. It means fresh amazing produce is available nearby. It means my children have a knowledge of fruits and vegetables I never even knew existed.
Helping them, helps their children. They have two beautiful children who are a great motivation to them in the garden.


I don’t know what else to say other than please, please, if you can – support two lovely people fulfill their dreams.
Karma baby!