None of your business.

There are a few questions I get asked often about my family, so I thought I’d just put it out there for everyone to see.

Do they both have the same father? Yes. They do. Not that it would change my capacity to parent well if they didn’t.

Are you still with their father? Yes. I am. And not just because we have young children either. Because I love him – imagine that.

Were they planned? We didn’t plan the exact night on which we would fall pregnant, no. Weren’t trying, but we weren’t not trying. Does that mean I love them any less? No.

Are you feeding her yourself? I’m not sure how my boobs are any of your business, but yes – I am lactating.

Is he a boy? Yes. Just because he has (gorgeous, curly) long hair and nail polish on his toes doesn’t remove his penis.

Gosh she’s little. Was she premmie? She was born smack bang 37 weeks. I’m just lucky and have little babies. It’s great, I get more bang for my buck with clothes.

And one I’ve only been asked once:

Is Pat really the father?
You know, I’m not sure. He’s the one out of the three possible choices that earned the most though, so I told him he is.

For the record, yes, Pat IS the father to both my children. But God, it was worth saying that to the person who asked.
And then asking her if her husband was the father when they fell pregnant.
Priceless.

What questions do you get asked and you feel like saying “Mind you’re own effing business!” ?