We are looking for a new house.
We have pretty much outstayed our welcome at my parent’s house.
Mainly because Pat is studying full time from home. I am studying part time from home.
Some people think that because we don’t go to a campus every day – IT DOESN’T COUNT.
That we enjoy Pat getting $400 a fortnight.
Just to let everyone in on a secret – without giving you any figures – we are approx $750 a fortnight worse off than if Pat was working. Why would either of us enjoy it?
Quite frankly, we’d both rather NOT have to stress about everything being paid on time.
But you know what?
This is life. And we only get one of it (depending on what you believe).
I’d LIKE to believe that we get more than one shot.
BUT if we don’t, I’m pretty sure we’re not going to be saying “Man, I totally wish I spent 40 years in a job that I fucking hated just so I could pay a mortgage for a house I don’t particularly like, but it’s in the right area and it looks right so I will.”
SO we’ll deal with people thinking that what we’re doing doesn’t count. Because in four years or so, we’ll both have our degrees. We’ll both be happy in our jobs. And we won’t be spending our entire lives hating the fact we have to go to work in the morning.
I can deal with living in a little 3 bed unit in the “wrong” area of town for that, thanks.
Because he makes me happy. Here he is again
Now, I am a fairly happy person. You know, when my 3 month old isn’t screaming the house down and my toddler isn’t being Mr Destructo, I’m happy. A lot of my happiness revolved around eating lots of chocolate (what more reason is there for happiness?) and now I can’t eat lot of chocolate (not eating dairy for a week then eating it showed me just how sick). So, I figured I’d get some happiness help.
Over at Seven Cherubs Naomi wants to help people be happy.
“ Seven Cherubs is where I love to inspire women.
To help them create happiness in their personal and family life.
I am passionate about motherhood and believe in the power of mothers.”
And so, I downloaded her 30 Days of Happiness (something has to replace the chocolate and quite frankly, anyone who can have 7 children and not be tearing their hair out must be doing a lot more than something right).
You, my lucky friends, followers, fellow bloggers and other randoms that read my blog will be privvy to reading my journey on my 30 days of happiness. I won’t share every day, because it might get a little boring and frankly,a little too raw at points. But I will do at least every second day. Which puts us at Day 1.
LET GO OF THE PAST
Look to your future and let go of the anchors that are holding you back.
My anchors I need to let go of:
- I still regret going to help the douchebag of a person that I thought was a friend which resulted in me sleeping through my alarm, ending up with me being fired from the only job I have ever wanted to do – LETTING IT GO. I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. If I’m this good of a friend to people who don’t deserve it, this is proof that I am a good friend and shouldn’t worry about not being good enough (finding the positive)
- I broke up with my ex fiance and broke his heart. For a girl who broke my heart. Karma I guess. He has done a good job of making me feel guilty over this, which at times has made me question whether I deserve where I am, who I’m with and the fact that I’m happy. LETTING IT GO. It was a long time a go. We have both moved on. I am happy and I DO deserve it. We are friends and he is happy for me, so I shouldn’t question my right to be happy.
- If I had of stayed at uni I would be finished my degree by now and be on a ridiculous amount of money in an area I find interesting. LETTING IT GO. If I had of stayed in my course, I would never have started tattooing. I would never be where I am now, which means I wouldn’t have my kids or tattoodaddy. No amount of money could buy what they give me every day.
- If I was smarter/more sensible with my money, we wouldn’t be in pointless debt right now. LETTING IT GO. I was forced to live off a credit card in certain times of my life. Starvation isn’t really the wisest choice out of debt or starvation. Sure, we could have paid them off by now, but we’ve just never made it the main priority. We are now, so no need to worry about it any more.
- I cheated on my boyfriend. LETTING IT GO. I was 15. Time to let go of the guilt.
Looking to the future is easy. I have a wonderful partner, two gorgeous (even if they are full on) children and we are young. We are healthy. We have family and friends who love and support us. There are thousands of options for us and there will be hundreds of thousands of opportunities for our children. There will be countless choices made for the better. The future is spending my life with the people I love the most. Very easy to be happy about.
This HAS made me feel happier already. Sometimes I think we get so dragged down by the every day-ness of life we forget how lucky we are to have that routine of comfort and warmth to enjoy and treasure.
I’m fucking sick of pretending.
I’m not good at being a mother of two.
When I take them both to the shops, it’s not because I’m so great. I take them because it means that I can keep them both in a very small, contained area and it’s ok. It’s actually expected.
It also means I can bribe the child with a donut and everyone smiles at him while he’s covered in sugar and tell me he’s adorable.
I just want one goddamn night’s sleep with no interruptions. I’m sick of dealing with sick children. And being up all night with reflux. And toilet training a child who is adverse to pooing on the toilet. Is that too much to friggen ask?
Pat goes from one extreme of Hubby of the World to the other. Sometimes he is absolutely amazing, sometimes I just want to yell at him “WHAT ABOUT ME?!? I’M SICK TOO!” Luckily, I can’t complain too much. He is great MOST of the time. Just a little oblivious when it’s most important.
I love my family and I love Pat’s family. But sometimes I wish we could just tell them we don’t want to see anyone, do anything or go anywhere. We’re tired. We don’t get a break to just do nothing despite what you might think. Having two young children while we are young is HARD. There are things I wish we had for our kids (our own house being one) but we just can’t afford it. I’d love to have Dex in swimming lessons and baby dancing and all those other things good parents put their children in. But we don’t have the money and I feel like that makes me not a good parent.
Most nights Pat and I just fall into bed. If I’m lucky we have enough energy to have sex. I refuse to lose that part of our relationship due to being too tired, because sometimes it feels like sex is the only thing I do that doesn’t have something to do with being a mother.
I feel guilty when I wonder if this is what the rest of our life will be like. I love my kids, both of them. With my whole heart. If I didn’t I would possibly have shaken them already so I could just get another fucking hour worth of sleep. But I haven’t and I won’t. Because as much as I sometimes question being a mum and if I’m any good at it, their smiles tell me I must be doing something right.