Confession – Why we’re not having more children.

I could tell you that we just can’t afford it (which we can’t).

I could tell you that we like having two of us and two of them, there’s enough hands to go around (we do).

I can tell you that we have one of each, we’re lucky and we don’t need any more (we are).

 

OR

 

I could tell you about my ridiculous fear that I will need a ceasarian.

That I will be cut open.

That something will go terribly wrong.

That I will die.

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?

Do you know what makes it sound even more silly?

I have had two GREAT natural labours. 3 1/2 hours and 1 hour 47 minutes. First one – 2 stitches. Second one – no stitches.

I actually even enjoyed labour. I never screamed. I never swore.

There is nothing to indicate that I would ever EVER have to have a ceasarian.

Not to mention that people have them every. friggen. day.

People ELECT to have them for god sakes.

 

I’m not entirely sure where this fear comes from. It saddens me some because it indicates that I’m not confident in my body’s ability to successfully birth a child. Regardless of the fact I have done it twice before.

I think it partly stems from my anxeity about my health. I have blood pressure issues, which in both pregnancies turned into pre-eclampsia. Not seriously a big issue, it never got to that stage. But enough to make me worry. Which makes me worry about my health. Which makes me worry about being able to look after my kids well. Which makes me worry about IF I had another one, if anything would go wrong. Which makes me worry about a ceasarian.

 

And just to prove to you that I’m crazy, I frequently worry that I have some type of cancer, too.